Humor (kinda food related)

In the beginning, was the Cola, made from sugar, water, and cocaine. And the Lord God saw that it was good, and said, let ye sip this for hangovers.

And then, the Federal Government said, ye should no longer partake of cocaine; this drink is illegal. And their was a wailing and gnashing of teeth, and much headachiness upon the land.

But then the scientists discovered caffeine, from the lowly coffee plant.

The Lord God said, let ye use this instead of cocaine.
and the headaches vanished, and all were happy again.

And THEN, the people became accustomed to their caffeine; they began to ask for more. And with more sugar, too. and a little different flavoring. And thus was the begetting of the Great Rift: Pepsi versus Coke.

And the people and their God were pleased; and the workers were ever more able to wakefully complete their daily tasks.

But then, the people became used to the amount of caffeine in these popular, sugary, fizzy drinks. And too, the Corporations invented: The Night Shift.

and lo, The Night Shift was long, and it was dark, and it was Sleepy. And the people prayed for More.

And then was invented: Mountain Dew. More caffeine, more sugar, more MORE!

But still, The Night Shift did not bubble and fizz.

And So Mountain Dew begat the Energy Drinks: More Caffeine, More sugar as High Fructose Corn Syrup, and other stimulants added to make The Night Shift bubble and fizz.

Guarana! Ginseng (both Panax and Eleuthero)! EPHEDRA!

And lo, The Night Shift both bubbled AND fizzed!

And then those drinks with Ephedra, led to heart palpitations, and bubbling and fizzing was perhaps a bit much.

And so the so, the Federal Government said: drink not of the Ephedra, for it is harmful.

And there was some gnashing of teeth, for Ephedra was said to help with weight as well. But not too much gnashing.

For still The People, including The Night Shift, had caffeine, HFCS, guarana, ginsengs, and other herbs to drink. Some fortified with B vitamins!

To partially replace the vitamins stripped away from the corn to make sugar.

And hosanna, all did bubble and fizz. Pass the Pizza and Ho-Ho's. Amen.